The most dangerous thing about this apocalypse isn’t that it kills people. It’s that it convinces them they’re still fully alive while slowly teaching them how not to be.

You don’t ask why the crown is heavy; you admire how it catches the light.

the clock flips, confetti falls, and, miracle of miracles, the same problems walk into January wearing a cheap plastic hat.

Pants aren’t real. They’re just fabric with authority issues.

Career paths are the horoscopes of capitalism.

You ever look around in a grocery store and think: “Half these people aren’t… real, right?”

You think you’re sad? Cute. You think you’re furious? Precious. According to decades of psychological research, what you’re really doing is pattern-matching nonsense electrical storms into little labeled boxes because your brain is basically running 1998 Windows software and refuses to update.

Welcome to the emotional Matrix. Let’s take the red pill.

Your Inner Child Called. They Wants a Refund.

Congratulations. You didn’t just get boxed—you got UPS Ground shipped to Self-Doubt, USA.

“If God wanted us to use the metric system, he would’ve made ten fingers equal to a foot.”

A long time ago, in a land filled with unpaid interns and $12 coffees, a group of men in suits decided that money should *breed.*

Timothee Chalomet failed drivers ed, Post Malone can’t do hard math, and Taylor Swift pet my dog without asking.

Here’s a fun fact: cities are made up. Not just the names—the whole idea.

Let’s start with a hard truth: brands aren’t real. They don’t exist. They’re figments of our collective imagination, like unicorns, Bigfoot, or your high school GPA. You’re out here pledging eternal loyalty to a logo. To a font.

Imagine a parrot. A really, really smart parrot. One that’s read all of Wikipedia, all of Reddit (yes, even the cursed parts), and every recipe for banana bread ever written. That’s AI. It’s the know-it-all friend at trivia night who’s never actually lived a day outside the basement — but will still argue with you about how to parallel park.